“Knowing my luck…” 

By themselves, they're totally harmless. But it's the context in which they are used that's the problem. "Knowing my luck" almost always precedes a self-defeating statement. 

“Knowing my luck, I’ll trip and break my leg on the way down the aisle.” 

“Knowing my luck, they'll lose my paperwork.” 

"Knowing my luck, it'll rain as soon as I go outside."

Now don't get me wrong. It’s not about “jinxing” yourself. I don't believe in superstitions. It’s actually much worse than that. By pronouncing your bad luck, you're reinforcing a limiting belief and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Every time you say something about yourself – to yourself or out loud – you affirm your belief in that statement. 

If you say that things don't go your way, things aren't going to go your way. If you say you always forget things, you'll keep on forgetting them. If you say you're clumsy – guess what? Those uneven sidewalks are gonna trip you up every time! 

Your subconscious absorbs what you say and assumes it’s absolutely true. Even if you say it in a joking manner, your subconscious doesn’t understand humor. It takes it as gospel. The more you say it, the more you are cementing it into your belief system. The more you believe it to be true, the more you will see evidence to support that belief.

So take a minute to consider the impact of what you're saying to yourself and others. Are you inadvertently reinforcing your forgetfulness, clumsiness, or just plain old dumb luck? Try catching yourself and writing down each self-defeating phrase that you use more than a couple of times a week. You may be surprised at some of the zingers you're throwing out there!

Let us know in the Comments section if you've been guilty of using this phrase? What other self-defeating phrases do you use? One I still catch myself on – is "I'll try..." (When I say it I always think of Yoda – "There is no try!")

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Has this every happened to you? You stuff something in your mouth but never really tasted it? ("What cookie?") Or the commuter's equivalent of that: you drive to the office and don't remember which route you took or whether you stopped at any traffic lights.

Sometimes our minds are so engrossed in our daily "to-do" list or a conversation we've had, that we completely tune out what we are doing in the present moment. Personally I find it a little unsettling when this happens while I'm driving. "Was that light green or did I just go through a red light?" "Did I stop at that stop sign?" Fortunately, we're so accustomed to being on autopilot that our bodies just do what they need to do, regardless of whether our mind is there or not. I don't know about you, but this doesn't seem like a good way to go through life.

But how do we push aside the distractions and stay in the present moment?

A number of years ago, I went to a weekend retreat at the Kripalu Center for Yoga in MA. I went alone - this was before I was a wife and mother, back when I did weekend trips just for myself – and had a wonderful, relaxing time. One of the rules at Kripalu is that breakfast (or was it lunch? one of the daily meals...) is a silent meal. Yep, no talking whatsoever. Now, for those of who are into yoga and/or meditation and have been to a place like Kripalu, this probably sounds like standard practice. No big deal. On the other hand, for many people, this might sound like an unfathomable challenge. (Yep - I can picture some people I know getting thrown out of the cafeteria in two minutes flat!) The funny thing was....it was actually an eye-opening experience. I paid attention to what I was eating – how it smelled, how the texture of the food contributed to the taste. I was present. Fully engaged in what I was eating and nothing else. I vowed that I would try to eat at least one meal in silence each day. And I did. (Because I lived alone at the time and there was no one else to talk to. Easy, right?)

Fast forward to my current life...SILENT MEAL? What's that? As Mommy to a 3-year-old, I'm lucky if I get to go to the bathroom by myself, let alone focus on a whole meal in silence. That said, I think it's time for me to start making this a priority again. It won't be every day, I know. But my lunch today reminded me that I am missing a lot of "present moments" being distracted by work and personal obligations. I deserve to be able to pay attention to what I am putting in my body. My food deserves to be noticed, not just stuffed into my piehole with no regard!

Funny, as I'm writing this I just remembered having this conversation with my husband the other day...I said, "Wouldn't it be great if there really was a pill that I could take - like in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory – where I could taste a whole meal in like 20 seconds and then not feel hungry for another 4 hours?" Sometimes I just don't want to stop what I'm doing to eat, but I know I have to fuel my body – and prevent myself from getting the "I'm hungry" headache.

Clearly, I could use some help in the "being present" category.

So who's with me? Who out there is going to try to pay TOTAL attention to their food at least once this weekend? And it doesn't have to just be food related – maybe you want to stay fully focused as you play with your kids...or take a walk in the woods. Whatever it is, dedicate yourself to really being there in the moment! And let me know how it goes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go deliberately put an Oreo in my mouth and savor every bite of it! :-)

What do you think about how your life is playing out? What challenges do you expect to encounter? What level of education and professional achievements do you expect to reach? What kind of friends do you expect to have – fun, reliable, interesting and trustworthy, or flaky, irresponsible and unmotivated? What's inside your head and where is it leading you?

I recently heard this quote from Joel Osteen, the pastor of the Lakewood Church in Houston, TX. He said, 

"You will never rise higher than the image you have of yourself."

Think about that for a minute. What does your image of yourself look like? What limits are you placing on yourself? Is there something you secretly "wish" you could do that you've convinced yourself isn't possible? Do you find yourself saying things like, "I'm just not that bold" or " I could never do that..." Let's face it. We can be pretty creative when it comes to making up excuses, right? 

Everyone has a set of beliefs in their head about what they can and can't do – and many are setting the bar way too low. We can accomplish way more than we may realize and usually the biggest obstacle we face is the one that's between our ears. 

When you've grown up hearing philosophical gems like "life's a bitch," "don't get your hopes up," and (one of my personal favorites) "you gotta take what you can get when you can get it," ideas begin to take root. With enough reinforcement, these ideas become your beliefs about what you can't have, what you can't do, and what you shouldn't expect out of life and other people. These types of limiting beliefs are positively toxic, and are responsible for millions of un-lived lives all around the world. 

So what can you do to change your image of yourself?

The first step is to start catching your excuses. You have to understand the false limitations you are setting before you can break them down and overcome their stronghold on you. Once you start to see them, start to question them. "Why CAN'T I do that?" "Why couldn't I pull that off?" "What really IS standing in my way?" Once you start challenging the assumptions you're making, you'll find that there really isn't as much in your way as you might have thought.

So keep going head first into life but take steps today to make sure your head is expanding your possibilities, not limiting them.

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Choice #1: Make An Excuse or Move Toward Excellence

Why is our first response to a mistake often a lame attempt to avoid it by making up some type of excuse? From an early age we learn to respond with "not me!" while our hands are in the cookie jar. When we offer an excuse, it often comes in the form of blame, pride, defensiveness, insensitivity, and feeling like we're the victim.

But owning our mistakes allows us to move toward excellence. Oscar Wilde said, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." People are more willing to forgive a mistake when we respond with "I'm sorry" rather than "I didn't do it." Owning our own mistakes instills humility within us. It moves us forward because we own the problem and can be intentional about moving toward the solution.

Choice #2: Leave It or Learn From It

I don't want to dwell on my mistakes. But I do want to reflect on them so that I know what I did wrong. A mistake is a mistake if you make it once. But if you continually make it, it becomes a flaw. This is why it's so important to choose to evaluate what caused the mistake. Garry Marshall said, "It's always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile."

Choice #3: Lose It or Use It For Something Else

Some of the most ingenious inventions of the 20th Century have been the result of a mistake. For example, the microwave oven came about in the midst of a radar-related research project by Dr. Percy Spencer around 1946. Dr. Spencer was testing a new vacuum tube called a magnetron. In the midst of the experiment, he realized the candy bar in his pocket was melting.

The magnetron didn't produce the results he was looking for in radar technology. But as we all know now, it does a great job of heating up a bag of popcorn! Albert Einstein, who made thousands of mistakes in his lifetime stated, "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."

A mistake in one area of your life may open the door for you to apply the lesson to another area. You may learn something this year that you never would have known if you hadn't tried.

Mistakes happen. You don't have to go out looking for them. But when they do occur you have a choice to make. Handle them responsibly and you may find that making mistakes and making discoveries are often similar journeys.

There are as many goals and fresh perspectives as there are people, but if you're looking to make a shift that really produces change, here's a suggestion:

Be more open.

Opening your mind to the fact that you can learn from ANYONE and ANY situation will prove to be one of the most profound changes you can make in your life. A closed mind results in missed opportunities for growth, both personally and professionally. When you have rigid expectations of how you think things SHOULD happen or who SHOULD be the person you need to connect with, you're working against yourself. Maintaining an open mind about who can help you, where you find inspiration or how something should be done leaves room for the unexpected. Maybe it's a chance meeting that develops into a profitable business connection or discovering a new way of looking at something from your 7-year-old nephew – these are things you miss when you're too rigid.

Having an open mindset is especially important for business owners. When you're not open, you can literally block new business from coming your way. I have experienced this many times, either because I had a personal situation to deal with, or because I was experiencing doubt or confusion about how to move forward. As soon as the obstacle was gone, I became receptive again and the business followed. One time, following a few months of feeling less-than-confident about my business, I actually had a talk with myself (yes...out loud!) about being ready for bigger and better things. The very next day, I had lunch with one of my clients. I had planned to pitch a new project to him, but was floored when I was handed a project that was easily ten times the size of the one I was pitching. Coincidence you might say? If it happened once, I might buy that explanation, but I've experienced it enough times to know that there's a direct correlation between my mindset and my outer world.

Some of our closed mindedness is born out of self-preservation and pride. We don't want people to know that we need help, so we gloss over our needs by being evasive or dismissive. What would happen if you openly discussed your desire to explore new career paths instead of telling everyone things were fine at work? Think you'd get some insight or ideas, or maybe make a new connection? You bet. A friend who was looking to take her career in a new direction told me recently about relaying this desire to her pharmacist while waiting for her prescription. He made a call to one of his contacts right then and there that landed her a new job. You just never know who and where your next lead will come from. Don't censor out your needs to give the illusion that everything is perfect or you may miss it.

Letting your guard down and opening your mind to new possibilties helps you grow - as an individual and as a business. Here's a quick list of ideas to keep in mind as you practice being more open:

• Don't make assumptions about who can and can't help you.

• Be open and honest about where you are in your life and what you're looking for.

• Have a candid talk with yourself about being receptive and ready for what life has to offer.

• Take interest in others – you can learn something from EVERYONE.

When we adjust our mindset by adopting a more open approach, we release our need to control the outcome and allow for, as the late painter Bob Ross used to say, "happy accidents" to steer us in a new direction. By staying open, you're paving the way to more synergistic connections, a greater appreciation of others and endless growth opportunities.

Best wishes to you for a year full of open doors and huge successes!

Stop sabotaging yourself in the name of humor or drama.

What I mean by that is…the seemingly harmless self-deprecating or otherwise negative remarks you may throw around to get a laugh or emphasize a point actually poison your mind. What you talk about and focus on is what will be cemented into your mind as the truth. You are literally shaping your reality with your words.

If you're not where you want to be in your job, a relationship or your life in general, this is especially important. Start taking a closer look at what you're saying to others and to yourself. If you find yourself constantly talking about how much your job sucks or how a relationship is just impossible, that's where all of your mental energy is focused – on the sucky parts! It may seem trivial, but it has a huge impact.

The Perfect Venue

As we broadcast our lives online more and more, status updates and Tweets offer the perfect opportunity to throw out a sarcastic comment or adopt a "misery loves company" approach. Resist it. You may say you were just kidding, but here's the kicker:

Your subconscious mind doesn't understand humor.

It takes every comment you utter and files it away as the truth. And until you start over-riding the negative comments, you are actively reinforcing them.

Browsing through Facebook, it didn't take long to find these perfect examples within my news feed:  

• "Day from hell!!!! Everything that could go wrong did!!"

• "I suck at it and I HATE it." (referring to gift wrapping, in this instance)

• "Looks like another painful day :( "

…and these are just a few that were short and easy to cut and paste! I'm not even touching the diatribes on why a given situation or person sucks. The point being...it's not hard to find someone who is talking about what's wrong with the world, other people or themselves.

Yes, a lot of these types of posts are thrown out there for the sake of humor or exaggerated drama, but I'm willing to bet the mindset behind them is not limited to online comments. How you approach things – a situation, your career, your role in a relationship, your life – is a key element to what you'll get out of it. If you expect the worst, guess what? You'll get it.

The Challenge

Listen, no one's perfect. We all say things along these lines from time to time. But I challenge you to simply start noticing the correlation between what you're saying and your results. Think twice before using self-deprecating humor or posting a negative comment. While it may get a chuckle from some of your friends, it's most significant effect is the negative reinforcement it sends to you.

So forget about that cliché of a January 1^st start date, and get on board with this Non-New-Year's Resolution today. Start noticing some of those doozies you throw out there and if you're brave, share your best ones in the comments below.

Best wishes to you all for a safe and happy holiday season!

I most often share the amazing feeling of support that one gets from a coach – the unequaled listening, the behind-the-scenes cheerleading, the knowledge that you have someone on your side who believes you can accomplish what you want to accomplish. I also share the concept of using guilt in a positive way – if I promise my coach I’ll do something, I more than likely do it (even if it’s just before we connect).  I talk about the power of having someone hold a mirror up to you that reflects how well your actions match your intentions and goals, asks you questions you don’t want to answer, and calls you to action (or inaction) when you’re most likely to continue as before. But there is one positive, often indirect, benefit from coaching that can’t be overlooked, especially at this time of year.

Before each of my clients’ coaching sessions I ask them to fill out a prep form. And right at the top of the form, where no one can miss it, is a chance to list every accomplishment, big and small, since the last session. In fact, the questions posed before the list are, “What have I accomplished?  What are my wins?” 

The benefits of reflecting on, and answering, these questions are huge. So often we go through life doing – without realizing all that we have done. And when you are forced to think this through and even physically list out all that you’ve done, there is often a gasp of astonishment and a sense of pride. We run through life taking care of the next thing in front of us, and often miss the opportunity to really acknowledge all of the steps we’ve taken, people we’ve connected with, goals we’ve accomplished and choices we should be proud of.

So, as the year comes to an end, I encourage you to start your list. Answer the questions: What have I accomplished? What are my wins? List the big, and the small. The things you did for others, and the things you did for yourself. List them, own them, and celebrate them.  This will give you an even stronger start for 2012.

Happy New Year!

1. Casey Anthony trial
2. The Royal Wedding
3. Death of Osama bin Laden
4. Japan earthquake and tsunami
5. Amanda Knox trial
6. Death of Amy Winehouse
7. Arab Spring
8. Libya/Ghadafi
9. Arizona shooting
10. Unemployment

These are the biggest stories that captured the attention of the world. They are only a small sampling of all that occurred over the course of a year. One thing I notice immediately about this list is most of the events are some sort of tragedy and crisis. We've experienced some difficult moments in 2011. The question is, what have we learned from these moments?

As we near the end of 2011, I would encourage you to make your own Top Ten list of significant personal events or experiences. Think back over the last twelve months and identify the different situations that influenced and shaped you into the person you are today.
 
Every experience, both good and bad, has the potential to teach you something about yourself. But experience alone doesn’t teach. It is only when you take the time to reflect on and evaluate your experiences that you’ll gain the most value from them. The ability to articulate and remember the lessons learned will greatly assist you when you encounter similar situations in the future.

Every year is full of good and bad experiences. Hopefully, the goal is to enter into the next year doing more of what works and less of what doesn't. In order for that to happen we must invest some energy into learning from those experiences. If we don't, we may be destined to make the same mistakes over and over.

This time of year is the perfect time to stop and reflect. Personal growth is not an automatic process. It takes intentional effort. One of the first steps is to learn from your past. Evaluate the experiences of 2011 before you start planning out your 2012.

To help you evaluate your year, I've provided some questions to get you started.

• What happened last year that I hope never happens again?
• What happened last year that I hope happens again?
• What are three things I can improve upon from this previous year?
• Which experiences from this past year would I handle differently given the chance?
• What mistakes did I make this year and what did I learn from them?
• What do I know now that I didn’t know a year ago?

Over the course of a year, everybody experiences both good and bad moments. I hope you will take the time to do more than most with your experiences. Reflection and evaluation are two ways one can turn experience into insight.

What a year 2011 has been! As it draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned in the last 365 days. I learned much, for example, about the strategic use of content marketing, social media and mobile applications – all best practices that I am sharing with my consulting clients.

But, as I reflect, I see there is a much bigger, more important lesson from 2011: you must get up when you’re knocked down.

This was a rough year for small and mid-size business owners as well as the broader U.S. economy. We faced uncertainty, unruly weather and unemployment.

Overwhelmed by the year’s turmoil, some business owners chose to close up shop. While others, like Barry O’Donovan, owner of Cranford, NJ’s Kilkenny House Restaurant and Pub, chose to be resilient – to pick himself up and move on after a disaster.

Hurricane Irene wrecked O’Donovan’s three-year-old Irish pub in late August. At the height of Irene’s flooding, 20 feet of water engulfed the pub’s basement and half of the bar, according to The Star Ledger. All told, there was about $300,000 of damage – an amount that would force many small businesses to close their doors permanently.

But O’Donovan was determined to rebuild. He and his contractors faced a huge task, replacing the pub’s electric, floors and subflooring, and repainting the 2,800 sq. ft. space. “We had no choice but to rebuild,” O’Donovan told the Suburban News. “This is what I know how to do. I had a responsibility to my staff to get up and running as fast as I could.”

He re-opened Kilkenny’s in record time – six weeks after Irene – and became a symbol of resilience to the local community.

Hitting those curve balls

Life throws all of us curve balls. So how can we learn to be more resilient – like O’Donovan – when things go wrong? To find out, I asked Donna Leyens, Certified Professional Coach and president of True Potential Coaching, LLC, a New Jersey-based small business coaching firm, for some advice. What she had to say can help you smash life’s curve balls right out of the park:

Stop whining about what went wrong. A key part of resilience is understanding that it’s not about what happened to you, it’s about how you respond. Instead of thinking, “Poor me, why did this happen to me?” say to yourself, “This may not have been a good thing that happened, but I’m going to make the best of it.”

It’s all about the stories you tell yourself. It’s hard not to buy into the negative stories, especially when that’s all we seem to get from the media.  Instead of focusing on the negative, say to yourself, “Where are the opportunities in this situation?” To help change your mindset, surround yourself with positive influences and people who can help you create positive stories. What kept O’Donovan going, according to the Suburban News article, was the tremendous support he received from friends and neighbors in the Cranford community.

Find the humor. When you can finally find the humor in a situation, you are step closer to controlling your response. Laughter is like medicine; it prompts your body to release endorphins which make your happier. Laughing can reduce stress and raise your positivity. This helps you to become more resilient.

Move forward. It’s useless to look back unless you can learn from it. But then learn your lessons and move on. Ask yourself, “How can I move forward?” and then take positive action. O’Donovan got his pub operating in record time because he quickly sought the resources – loans from the Small Business Administration, local contractors willing to work nights and weekends – to help him rebuild.

Focus on what is going right. Even in the worst situations, focusing on the positive can help you be more resilient. Set positive goals. O’Donovan, for example, promised his wife that he’d have his restaurant up and running by her birthday – well ahead of initial contractor estimates. As O’Donovan told NJBiz, “My wife’s birthday is October 15, and if I didn’t have it opened before then, I’d be dead.” O’Donovan re-opened Kilkenny House on October 8, to much celebration in the community.

In the New Year, choose to be resilient. It may not always be easy but you will be in charge of your own destiny, like Barry O’Donovan.

What situations have you faced that called for you to be resilient? Tell us about them in the Comments section below.

This post by Loraine Kasprczak has been adapted from its original format as it appeared on Advantage Marketing's website. To read the full post, click here.

This year, as I consider all the things I've experienced and learned, I realize that one of my greatest teachers has been a handsome blond guy who sometimes refers to himself as "The King" – my son, Christopher.

Though he's only two and half, he's already an incredible source of inspiration. His personality and sense of humor develop more and more every day, and his knowledge seems to expand by the hour. He's bold. He's curious. He's daring. He's enthusiastic. Who can't use a little more of that?  

So as we're all wrapping up 2011 and making our master plans for 2012, I want to share three of my favorite lessons from "The King" with you today:

1. The need for perfection diminishes productivity and fun. No matter how cleverly we construct that tower of empty boxes, it still only lasts about two seconds around Christopher. The fun is in knocking it down and starting over again. He doesn't want to analyze the way they're aligned or balanced, adjust it or stop to admire his creation. He just wants to keep playing and keep rebuilding. How many times in business do we labor over getting something perfect, when it would have been fine three hours ago? Sometimes we take as much time getting from 97% to 100% as we did getting from 1% to 97%! This type of obsession for perfection is a major time suck (and I know this firsthand!). Taking too long to get tasks done can result in missed opportunities and frustration. Give yourself a set time frame for each task and stick to it. In 2012, let's all vow to get more stuff done (even if it's not perfect) and have fun in the process!
  

2. Think bigger. Whenever there are older kids around, my son automatically kicks into "big kid" mode. He assumes that he can do everything they can. There's something about being caught up in the whirlwind of playtime that expands his ideas about how high he can climb or how fast he can run. While this admittedly gives me heart palpitations at times, he expands his capabilities as he pushes his boundaries. This is true in business as well. While it may be comforting to share stories with those having similar struggles, it's critical that you spend more time with people who've had the same challenges but have already overcome them. It's important to hang out with the "bigger kids" so that you focus on what you want to become, rather than the hurdles you're currently facing.


3. Ask forgiveness, not permission. Why is it that I never hear the question, "Mommy, can I go play in your office and throw business cards and paper clips all over the floor?" Probably because when I find the aftermath of the office-supply-tornado, my brief admonishment is quickly followed by forgiveness. It seems that my "Mommy's-not-happy" conversation is by no means a strong enough reason not to do this again an hour later. I'm sure we all did this as kids. But then we went through years of formal education where rules and consequences were a way of life. As a result, most of us have a very hard time being daring. We've been trained to minimize risk, ask permission and play by the rules. But who made up these rules? Do you think people like Russell Simmons or Richard Branson play by this same set of rules? Not a chance! They would never have achieved the kind of success they now enjoy by limiting themselves to someone else's expectations. What opportunities have you missed by playing by the rules? Why not make up your own set of rules…ones that serve you better than the ones you've been living by?

 

Consider how you can make 2012 your biggest, boldest year yet. Reclaim that child-like enthusiasm as you make up some new rules for yourself, and don't forget to have some fun in the process!

Having a Facebook profile is like having a cell phone – everyone seems to have one. But not everyone knows how to use it wisely.

It boggles my mind when I see people posting half-naked pictures of themselves, or using profane language for the whole world to see. For some reason, social media gives people the courage to post things that they normally wouldn’t say or do in “real life." But I can assure you that Facebook and other social media sites can and will affect your real life.

When it comes to posting pictures, think twice. Would you show your parents or grandparents the pictures you're about to post? If not, don’t do it. Giving Grandma visual proof of your ability to do body shots is never a good idea, especially if you're not of legal drinking age. Pictures of underage drinking can get you into more trouble than you may think. In my high school, ten students got suspended from school and banned from prom their senior year for underage drinking because of pictures that were posted on Facebook. In fact, some police departments now have special units that use Facebook to monitor underage drinking.

Another way to stay clear of any unneeded drama is to keep yourself appropriately dressed in all pictures you post or are tagged in. While you might think that the picture of yourself in your bikini makes a great profile shot, not only is it inappropriate, but potentially dangerous. You never know who's looking at your pictures and what they'll do with them. Inappropriate pictures can seriously come back to haunt you. Whether it's by a potential employer (who has done an online search and seen those pictures), by your parents (once they figure out how to use Facebook) or by a jealous and spiteful classmate, the consequences are no joke. Unfortunately, you don't have to look too far to see that what you choose to broadcast online can cause tremendous pain, embarrassment and even assaults and deaths. Save yourself the potential backlash, and just don’t post them.

One last thing to be aware of is the language you use. The rule I live by is “would I be embarrassed to say this aloud in front of my father?” and if the answer is yes, I figure out another way to convey the message. Trust me, you don’t want to have to sit down with your parents to explain what you meant by a tasteless Facebook comment…awkward! Saying inappropriate things online can also get you in trouble with potential employers. While the language may be perfectly acceptable with your friends, it won't win you any points if an interviewer sees it. When you're trying your best to be professional, mature and ambitious, why let something like that degrade your image?

So here's the wrap-up:

1. Facebook's privacy settings effectively. Don’t allow people you don’t know to see your profile, pictures or wall posts. Block your tagged photos so that only specific friends (or even only you) can see them.

2. Choose your Facebook friends wisely. Don’t connect with anyone you don't know personally. Having 2000 friends doesn’t make you cool, it makes you an easy target for unwanted attention.

3. Keep it classy. Posting inappropriate language and content can hurt your reputation and potentially blow your chances with potential employers. Think of your online profiles as a representation of you and make sure it's sending the right message. 

Even though this post is slanted toward Facebook, these rules also apply to other social media sites like Twitter or MySpace, as well as texting. We're really lucky to have these great tools available to us for keeping in touch and sharing info with friends – but with that comes the responsibility of using them wisely. Using these guidelines, we can make better choices and keep it classy!

Have any experiences that others could learn from? Any tips for using social media sites? Let us know in the Comments section below.

We are an extremely driven culture. I work with extremely driven clients. I can be an extremely driven person. And there’s nothing wrong with all of this. Except when our “driven-ness” drives us too hard. Sometimes we raise the bar, for ourselves and others, to such a high place – which in and of itself is not bad.  It can be very motivating and inspiring to have a stretch goal and high aspirations. However, when we get to the point that nothing is quite good enough and we’re never satisfied, our driven-ness is working against us. 

And so we stop, for one day in the year, and give thanks. Maybe. Or maybe we just eat too much, endure our families, and watch football on TV.  But I think that a revolution must occur, because I think there is much to be gained by being thankful, truly thankful, on Thanksgiving and beyond.

I know Thanksgiving was last week and we’re all tired of leftover turkey, but I challenge all of us (myself included) to continue being thankful and appreciative. Because when we notice what we love, we feel better. When we notice all we have, we feel blessed. When we notice the wonderfulness of the people around us, our relationships actually improve. When we appreciate what we enjoy about our work, our home, and our daily life…our daily life seems to take on a glow.

So keep the Thanks-giving spirit alive.  Continue being grateful and see what happens.

Whether you avoid stores until the last minute, or embrace the craziness and head out to the malls at 5am on Black Friday, chances are you're going to have to face it eventually.

When you do, here are four ways to keep your cool as you head out to the stores this holiday season:

1. Use iPod Therapy – Whether it's a smooth jazz mix to keep you in the groove or some hard rockin' tracks to get your blood pumping, make a playlist of your favorite songs. Then head out to the stores with your iPod and listen while you shop. It'll keep you in a happier mood and allow you to tune out some of the craziness.

2. The Duck Mindset - Assume there will be lines. Assume there will be people bumping in to you. And make the decision before you set foot in the store that you are not going to let any of it bother you. Just like water rolls off a duck's back, you have to let these holiday shopping aggravations roll off yours. Don't give them the power to ruin your day.

3. Good Humor – Bring your sense of humor with you and don't be afraid to use it. Exchanging funny stories or comments with other customers in line or just chuckling to yourself about the absurdity of someone else's behavior will keep you in a lighter mood and help others feel better too.

4. Sincere Appreciation – Consider the view from the other side of the counter. Cashiers are on their feet all day, dealing with a lot of unappreciative customers and stressed out managers. It can be a very thankless job at times. Take time to notice and thank people who are doing a great job dealing with the craziness. A well-placed, sincere compliment or a friendly joke during checkout goes a long way.

Keeping yourself in a positive frame of mind while you shop can benefit you AND the people around you. When you're in a good mood, you won't be inclined to react to other people's irritating behaviors, and you'll  have a more productive trip. When you're annoyed and stressed out, you're more likely to make impulse purchases just to be able to cross something off your list and get the heck out of there!

So take the time to do a little preparation before you head out. It'll do wonders for your mall-time productivity and your mindset.  

Best wishes for a wonderful Thanksgiving and if you're one of the brave ones, a stress-free and productive Black Friday!

Got a great tip for dealing with the crowds at the mall? Share them below.

I've identified three ways we can tangibly express the gratitude we feel:

1) Give Away - This is about using our strengths and resources to benefit others with no expectation they will give anything back to us. It's a spirit of generosity that shows itself through generous acts. What do you have that you can give away to others?

2) Give To - The people who seem the happiest, most content, and energetic towards life all seem to have found something significant to give their lives. Is there a cause or purpose greater than yourself that you can give your life to?

3) Forgive - Often overlooked, yet forgiveness may be the most powerful form of giving. In a culture that celebrates revenge and retribution, forgiveness offers another way out. Forgiveness frees us from the bitterness, anger, and ill-will we hold against another. Who is someone you need to begin the journey of forgiveness with?

In this season of Thanksgiving, don't simply be a thanksfeeler. Rickenbacker walked to the pier every Friday to demonstrate his thankfulness. Express your gratitude today in tangible and visible actions.

It was 1993 and I was attending my first professional design conference in Miami, FL. The conference was an eye-opener in many ways – creatively, socially, professionally – and although it threw me right out of my comfort zone, I was excited to be there.

I had an opportunity to meet some of the greatest talents in the design industry and hear them speak about their ideas and perspectives. As interesting as these sessions were, they were completely overshadowined by one speaker – Scott Mednick.

At the time, Scott ran a thriving design agency in Los Angeles, doing work for the likes of Reebok and Universal Pictures. He spoke about "Creating Your Own Destiny." I know the title because I still have the cassette-tape recording of his talk on my bookshelf, even though I don't own a cassette player anymore. I listened to it so many times that I even made a back-up copy, for fear that my tape player might accidentally eat it! (Of course, this fear will be lost on anyone younger than 35…)

Prior to hearing Scott talk, it hadn’t occurred to me that I could “design” my life. I was more in the “life happens, deal with what comes your way” frame of mind at the time. Scott spoke about how he had steered his career in a direction that aligned with the things that mattered most to him, using his values and principles to guide him in his life decisions. "Wait…you mean I don't just have to do what others expect of me?" It was a revelation! It opened my eyes to so many possibilities.

Scott told stories of how he had turned down opportunities when they didn't gel with his beliefs, or even the beliefs of his staff. He relayed an example of Hugh Hefner calling him about designing something for Playboy – he was a friend and Scott thought nothing of accepting the project. When he brought it up at the next production meeting, a female staff member said she wasn't comfortable doing work for Playboy. Scott made the decision right then and there that they wouldn't accept the work. He called Hef back and said they wouldn't do it. Besides the somewhat amusing thought of being able to call Hugh Hefner up and tell him to go elsewhere, I was amazed that someone would stand up for their employees like that. Amazed and impressed.

As he continued, Scott cited a number of other examples of how his beliefs led him to certain decisions. It didn't hurt that he was a very funny and entertaining storyteller too…weaving his business advice in with his obvious passion for creativity and design. He spoke of starting new business ventures based on his observations, allowing flex hours to accommodate employees who were night owls (virtually unheard of back then) and sharing knowledge and resources freely when the cause was important. They were engaging stories to say the least. It wasn't until afterwards that I realized I had learned some important lessons too.

He ended the talk with a picture of his kids, saying that "he does what he does, how he does it, because he can't leave them a shitty world." What better reason could you ask for?

Scott Mednick has since gone on to bigger and better things – leading non-profit initiatives, producing movies like 300, Superman Returns and Where the Wild Things Are, started several more companies and generally blowing the doors off most business men. There is no doubt that his accomplishments are great, but in my book, his "why" is greater. He is a man who is led by his passions, governed by his values and inspired by his children – what a great role model for us all!

One day, I hope to be able to thank Scott in person. In the meantime, I hope that through my work with MindClings I have the chance to positively impact people's lives as much as he impacted mine. I'm sure that conference back in 1993 was just another speaking engagement for him, but it was a game changer for me. It has helped me make better decisions in business and in life, and for that, I am very thankful.

What speaker had the greatest impact on your life? Take a minute to tell us in the Comments below (then reach out to them personally and say thank you too!)

Ever made assumptions about the value of someone's experience based on their occupation, age or title? People who are too proud to learn from their staff, their niece or the cleaning lady are missing out on some great lessons. This post from Loraine illustrates the value in always being open to learning something new. She uncovered some great business success principles from her neighbor, a former milkman, at a social gathering because she was receptive, curious and appreciative of someone else's unique perspective. Here's her story…

Originally posted on Advantage Marketing on June 23, 2011 

My neighbor Stewart used to be a milkman with his own route through Westfield and the neighboring New Jersey towns. He’d get up at 1:00 AM every weekday to load his truck and make his deliveries, returning home by noon to wash the truck and do paperwork. Stew worked hard.

Stew and I were chatting at a neighbor’s party one Saturday evening over a few drinks and we got to talking about the challenges of running a business. Turns out the guy who bought Stew’s route had run the business into the ground. “He didn’t take care of his customers,” Stew declared.

As a business person, Stew appreciated his customers and knew how to keep them happy. The families on Stew’s route could have bought their milk and butter from the supermarket. But they were loyal to Stew and bought from him week after week for years.

What were Stew’s secrets? Here’s what he told me:

1. Know your customers by name. Stew had over 275 customers on his route, and knew each of them by name. He knew which of his customers was caring for an elderly parent or worked a night shift, and he understood how this impacted the dairy products they needed.

2. Anticipate your customers’ needs. Maureen, one of our neighbors, had three young children at home and a husband who traveled most weekdays. Stew knew that by midweek, Maureen would likely run out of milk, so he would often leave her an extra quart with her Tuesday delivery. Did she appreciate this? Absolutely. It meant squeezing in one less trip to the supermarket as she juggled her daily schedule.

3. Be easy to do business with. Stew offered his customers convenience – especially those like Maureen who couldn’t easily get out to the store. His customers also knew he would fill last minute requests and they would leave him notes in their front porch milk boxes to order extra milk, butter or eggs.

4. Cut your good customers some slack. Being a father and a business person, Stew knew life could get crazy, and sometimes even good customers could forget to pay their milk bill. He would call such customers with gentle reminders when payments were overdue, and typically that was enough.

5. Act with honesty and integrity. Above all, Stew was an honest business person who treated his customers professionally. When he said he was going to do something – make an extra delivery or fill a special request – he did it. Customers knew they could rely on Stew.

What untapped sources of information are staring you in the face? Are you making false assumptions about who can help you? Start questioning these assumptions today and you'll immediately expand the value of your associations.

If you have a story about someone who gave you some great advice when you weren't expecting it, please share your thoughts in the Comments section below. 

Being that it's Thanksgiving month, you'll be seeing a theme of gratitude and appreciation running through our November posts. And speaking of which, let me take a few of my 86,400 seconds for today to extend a big thank you to Redstage Networks, our website developers, for making this blog (and the rest of the site) work. If you're ever in need of a Magento site, these guys know their stuff.

There are many things I'm thankful for – life, health, loved ones – but in the spirit of a true MindClings blog post, I offer a few of the less obvious ones, each tied in with one of our Mindset Cards by Topic categories:

9 Things I'm Thankful For (by Topic)

1. Self-improvement authors – I LOVE books that have a personal or professional growth component to them and though there are too many authors to thank individually, I credit a great number of them for opening my eyes and redirecting my career. (Career Transition)

2. The Fresh Beat Band – When I need to send a couple of emails or make a call, this annoyingly chipper bunch of singing teens occupy my 2-year-old without fail. Yes, their excessively "sunny" songs run through my head for the rest of the day, but it's a small price to pay. (Productivity Improvement)

3. My Starbucks buddy, Sal – Each time I go into my local Starbucks, Sal greets me with a smile and occasionally a free brownie for my son. It's a small part of my day, but I enjoy the friendly and welcoming environment as much as the coffee. (Building Relationships and Connections)

4. Magento – For those of you not familiar, Magento is an incredibly powerful, robust and expandable platform for eCommerce websites. Although it has been a challenge to learn (Yes, one HTML character can indeed screw up an entire page.), the back-end admin environment is amazing. Really streamlines the sales transaction process too. (Sales)

5. My husband's B.S. detection meter – Whether it's my excuse for not making a phone call or my less-than-convincing explanation of why something won't work, he sees right through it and calls me out. It may sound like an odd thing to be thankful for, but I know I can always count on him to be completely honest with me. (Responsibility and Accountability)

6. My former bosses – Each and every one of them taught me something valuable, including in some cases what NOT to do in business and how NOT to treat people. (Leadership)

7. My work schedule – Having the flexibility in my weekly schedule to spend more time with my son is a true blessing. I realize not everyone has this luxury but it's one of the (many) things I love about being a business owner. (Business Owner/Entrepreneur)

8. HGTV – Yes, I admit it. I'm an HGTV addict. (Right now, Property Brothers and Holmes on Homes are two of my favorites.) But all of these home-improvement shows motivate me to go organize closets, paint walls and gut bathrooms. Their over-arching "you-can-do-anything" attitude, coupled with the over-simplification of tasks like knocking your living room wall down for that "open-concept" look, make me feel like I can tackle anything! (Self-confidence)

9. Miss Emhoff – She was my high school Latin teacher. Considering she was teaching a "dead" language to a bunch of unappreciative 15-year-olds, she had the enthusiasm of a little kid at Christmas and the patience of a saint. More importantly though, she taught us a language that, while not conversational, has helped me decipher the meaning of words and phrases (and yes, even Jeopardy questions) for years. Thank you, Miss Em! (Effective Communication)

So there you have it. I've only taken up about 156 seconds (well, that's how long it took me to re-read this to myself…) of your 86,400 seconds for today, so you have plenty of time to go out and be thankful. Start now by telling us one of the more obscure things you're thankful for in the Comments section below.

Until college, I had no real use for email. So naturally, when I had to start sending emails to professors, I was completely unprepared. I remember getting my first reminder of exactly how unprepared I was when I had to email my Comparative Politics professor about an upcoming midterm.

A friend had told me that the midterm would count for fifty percent of our grade; this was news to me so I thought I would ask my professor just to make sure. When I wrote the email, I started it off with an appropriate "hey!" and proceeded to dive into my concerns. The next day, I received an email back from my professor that was a little less than friendly. He told me that, first off, I never once said who I was or what class and section I was in. Second, my grammar was horrible (I had capitalized absolutely nothing). And third, the answer was in my hands all along in my syllabus (never thought to refer to that!). My professor had no problem telling me how inappropriate and unprofessional my email was. I was so embarrassed. (Thankfully, the class was a 250-person lecture hall so I would never have to show him my face!)

Ever since my professor laid my lack of professionalism out on the table, I’ve been painfully aware of the way I write my emails. Of the things I have learned, using a simple “Hello Professor” or “Professor Smith” to start off an email is ALWAYS better than "hey!" or "’sup?" (And yes, I admit I sent an email saying, "’sup?" to a professor...). Even if you think you have a casual, friendly relationship with them, they are still your professor, not your buddy.

Another essential detail to include is who you are, and what class and section you are referring to. Most teachers, especially at large schools, teach more than one class and each class normally has more than one section. There is no way a teacher can answer a specific question without knowing which class you are talking about.

Third, before you send an email to a professor, check your syllabus. This was a hard concept for me to grasp…that this piece of paper handed out in the beginning of every class actually held all of the answers on how to succeed in a course. (One sneaky professor of mine even hid extra credit points in her syllabus to see who was reading it thoroughly!) In many cases, your questions will be answered by the syllabus.

And lastly, don’t forget to read through your email to make sure you’re using correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. Nothing screams "unprofessional" like a string of typos or an email in all caps. If I’m able to save one person from the embarrassment I felt, recounting my blunders is a worthwhile exercise.

I learned the hard way that you have to know your audience and structure your email accordingly. So if you’re sending an email to your professor, teaching assistant or boss, learn from my mistakes and use these four guidelines religiously:

1. Address them in a formal manner (even if they have a casual personality)

2. Identify yourself and the specific class your email is referring to

3. Check your syllabus to see if it addresses your concern

4. Check your spelling and grammar before you press send.

In minding these few short guidelines, there is no way anyone could mess up an email as much as I did my first semester in college.

Have some email blunders of your own? If you’re willing to put yourself out in the spotlight for the sake of saving someone else from embarrassment, add your two cents in the comments below…

Why ‘Your Talking Head’?

You may have heard someone referred to as a 'talking head' (besides David Byrne – for those of you old enough to know who he is…). If so, there’s a good chance it wasn’t meant in a flattering way. This term is often used to describe someone who rambles on without regard to the effect they have on their audience. They dominate the conversation and try to show off their knowledge without considering relevance or value.

We all have an ongoing dialogue in our head that, at times, can take on this less-than-productive 'talking head' persona…creating mental "chatter" that hinders – rather than helps – our progress. But you control your talking head! You have the power to change a habit, acquire a better outlook, and increase your potential by creating the right mindset to support your goals and ideals. The more you steer your mind towards supportive, focused and powerful conversations, the happier and more successful you'll be.

Your Talking Head provides a place for us to share stories, wisdom and ideas relating to your mind’s influence over your personal success, offering ways to improve results by improving your thinking. Our aim is to turn your talking head into your best friend, one idea at a time.

We whole-heartedly welcome your comments, criticism, suggestions and observations as you read this and subsequent posts. While I can’t promise that you’ll relate personally to EVERY post, I can promise that we’ll always try to bring you interesting information, good advice, a new perspective and a sense of humor. If you like what you read, please share it with your friends and colleagues, and subscribe via email or RSS (see top of sidebar). Stay tuned!